This will be one of those posts that has absolutely no meaning besides the fact that I really want to write but have nothing interesting to write about. So if you dislike pointless posts…uhh..don’t read this?
Okay, I graduate from college (holy crap…college?!) in approximately 3 months, 1 week, and 5 days . . . not that I’m counting or anything . . . and once I graduate, let’s be serious, I have no real plans for my life. I mean, I will eventually, but as of right now, there is no set plan. But you know what? I find this absolutely thrilling.
Every year, thousands of students graduate with the degree they’ve sought after for the past 4ish years, with their perfectly devised plans of where they will be once they graduate, and with what job they’ve been looking and applying for for months and months. Everything is set up for them and, in a way, they’re pretty much stuck with these plans. I mean, if you’ve been going to school to be a doctor for so many years, you’re probably going to be a doctor. As for me, I have no idea what career I want to go into, besides photography. I have no idea what city I’ll be in a year from now. I have no idea what kind of place I’ll be living in, or who I’ll be living with. I only have these very, very broad ideas.
For example, I know my boyfriend, Matthew, will eventually become my husband. God has placed that on my heart since the day I met him. (For you love-lovers, I’m sure I’ll write that adorably cheesy story soon enough. But for now I’ll spare the ones that gag the second they hear the phrase ‘i just knew it was meant to be.’) I know we’ll be working at a church somewhere, where he’ll be the youth pastor and I will be a part of that somehow. And we’ll probably be dirt poor. Other than that, I haven’t been given any real plans. Honestly, I think it’s God’s way of, first of all, making me let go of all the plans I like to hold on to so tightly. i.e. engagement, marriage, careers, money, life in general… and second of all, letting me have this completely blank slate to start the next season of my life.
Now for someone like me, who cannot live a day without creativity, this has become pure excitement. At first, all I could see was the “first of all.” I had to stop planning when I was going to get engaged (which I definitely believed would be last fall). I had to stop planning when I was going to get married (May 26, 2012 . . . yea, so not happening.) I had to stop getting bummed out that I’ve never been able to choose a career path (photographer, event planner, writer, decorator, blogger) and I had to stop thinking about how much money I’d like to make (thousands? millions? ……..just kidding.). God has completely taken all of these things away from my control, and now all I can think about is the “second of all.”
Instead of worrying about when I’m going to get married, I can think about the fun things to do after graduation that I won’t be able to do once I’m married. I’ve toyed with the idea of getting my own apartment so I can live on my own, learn to cook my own meals, discipline myself on keeping my home clean, and decorate however the crap I want to decorate. I’ve also thought about living at home so I can save up a bunch of money and pay off college a little faster, or buy a bunch of really cool furniture from thrift shops so I can re-paint it or re-upholster it. I’ve gotten excited about working somewhere like Starbucks or in the perfume department at Macy’s, simply because it’s the kind of job college graduates don’t typically go for. Listen, people. This is not the sort of thoughts you would have heard from me a year ago. Probably not even six months ago.
Six months ago, all I wanted to know was when all the serious stuff was going to happen. Now, all I need to know is that eventually, those things are going to happen. Eventually, I will get married and have some idea of what I’m going to do with my life. But for now, the door is WIDE open for me to go where I want to go and do what I want to do, and I am just amazed that, all along, God knew that a wide door and a blank slate would be better for his creative daughter than a set list of plans and goals that will more likely than not fall through and set me up for disappointment.