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This will be one of those posts that has absolutely no meaning besides the fact that I really want to write but have nothing interesting to write about.  So if you dislike pointless posts…uhh..don’t read this?

Okay, I graduate from college (holy crap…college?!) in approximately 3 months, 1 week, and 5 days . . . not that I’m counting or anything . . . and once I graduate, let’s be serious, I have no real plans for my life.  I mean, I will eventually, but as of right now, there is no set plan. But you know what? I find this absolutely thrilling.

Every year, thousands of students graduate with the degree they’ve sought after for the past 4ish years, with their perfectly devised plans of where they will be once they graduate, and with what job they’ve been looking and applying for for months and months.  Everything is set up for them and, in a way, they’re pretty much stuck with these plans.  I mean, if you’ve been going to school to be a doctor for so many years, you’re probably going to be a doctor.  As for me, I have no idea what career I want to go into, besides photography.  I have no idea what city I’ll be in a year from now.  I have no idea what kind of place I’ll be living in, or who I’ll be living with.  I only have these very, very broad ideas.

For example, I know my boyfriend, Matthew, will eventually become my husband.  God has placed that on my heart since the day I met him. (For you love-lovers, I’m sure I’ll write that adorably cheesy story soon enough. But for now I’ll spare the ones that gag the second they hear the phrase ‘i just knew it was meant to be.’)  I know we’ll be working at a church somewhere, where he’ll be the youth pastor and I will be a part of that somehow.  And we’ll probably be dirt poor.   Other than that, I haven’t been given any real plans.  Honestly, I think it’s God’s way of, first of all, making me let go of all the plans I like to hold on to so tightly. i.e. engagement, marriage, careers, money, life in general…  and second of all, letting me have this completely blank slate to start the next season of my life.

Now for someone like me, who cannot live a day without creativity, this has become pure excitement.  At first, all I could see was the “first of all.”  I had to stop planning when I was going to get engaged (which I definitely believed would be last fall).  I had to stop planning when I was going to get married (May 26, 2012 . . . yea, so not happening.)  I had to stop getting bummed out that I’ve never been able to choose a career path (photographer, event planner, writer, decorator, blogger) and I had to stop thinking about how much money I’d like to make (thousands? millions? ……..just kidding.).  God has completely taken all of these things away from my control, and now all I can think about is the “second of all.”

Instead of worrying about when I’m going to get married, I can think about the fun things to do after graduation that I won’t be able to do once I’m married.  I’ve toyed with the idea of getting my own apartment so I can live on my own, learn to cook my own meals, discipline myself on keeping my home clean, and decorate however the crap I want to decorate.  I’ve also thought about living at home so I can save up a bunch of money and pay off college a little faster, or buy a bunch of really cool furniture from thrift shops so I can re-paint it or re-upholster it.  I’ve gotten excited about working somewhere like Starbucks or in the perfume department at Macy’s, simply because it’s the kind of job college graduates don’t typically go for.  Listen, people.  This is not the sort of thoughts you would have heard from me a year ago.  Probably not even six months ago.

Six months ago, all I wanted to know was when all the serious stuff was going to happen.  Now, all I need to know is that eventually, those things are going to happen.  Eventually, I will get married and have some idea of what I’m going to do with my life.  But for now, the door is WIDE open for me to go where I want to go and do what I want to do, and I am just amazed that, all along, God knew that a wide door and a blank slate would be better for his creative daughter than a set list of plans and goals that will more likely than not fall through and set me up for disappointment.

So there.

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”I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them that no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and you saw them crying in their bed at night or singing to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street and even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think after seeing them at their most vulnerable you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them. ”

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if my heart has one ambition.

I have been in a spiritual rut for quite some time now.  Back in the fall, I craved prayer time.  I couldn’t get enough of my Bible and quiet time with God.  Now, a few months later, I can barely motivate myself to do any of these things.   It’s not necessarily a bad thing;  I am aware that basically every Christian goes through these low points (and if you are a Christian and you don’t, then you are truly, truly blessed).

It hit  me today though:

I am constantly failing in my relationship with Christ.  Yet He’s been here, consistently, just waiting for me to come home to Him.  He has not wandered, or grown tired of waiting.  Who else does this for me?

There is not a human on this earth who has loved me as unconditionally as my God.  People are impatient and conditional.  People get frustrated.  People leave.

 God doesn’t.

 This is the most simple thing to understand.  I’ve heard it a million times over.  I have talked about it, read about it, seen it, experienced it . . .and it only just hit me today that God has loved me every single day of my life, even though I haven’t always been loving him back.

Imagine a human giving all of that love to you.  Wouldn’t it be fairly easy to return their affections?  Wouldn’t you want to at least spend a little bit of time with them every day to let them know you appreciate everything they do for you?  Why is it so much different with God?  Of ANYONE, He should be the easiest of all to give every bit of our love and time and affections to.  He created us, lived with us, died for us, and saved us.  He loves us, takes care of us, provides for us, comforts us, and listens to us, unconditionally.  No questions asked.

I don’t want to be in this rut anymore.  I am choosing not to be in this rut anymore, regardless of how I “feel” today, tomorrow, or whenever.  If you don’t mind me asking, anyone who might be reading this, I would appreciate prayers.  Satan hates. hates. hates. when we want to go against our trials and become more intimate with Jesus.  I’ll make it a priority to pray for those that are in a rut, too, cause God deserves our full, unwavering attention, doesn’t He?

 

“if i flee from greenest pastures/would you leave to look for me/forfeit glory to come after/’til i only dwell in thee./if my heart has one ambition/if my soul one goal to seek/this my solitary vision/’til i only dwell in thee/that i only dwell in thee.”

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alittleitaly.

So I went to northern Italy a month ago, and thought “hey, why not put some of the pictures on my blog, since I’ve become addicted and would like to spend more time posting things than doing homework.”

Of course this is completely logical thinking, so here’s a few photos of my escapades through the Italian Alps in Brescia, Italy.

Ridiculous.

I’m learning something.

I am twenty years old, and I’m learning that no matter how old (or young) I am, I will never be too old (..or young) to take a chance on something that is ridiculously wonderful.

[ridiculously wonderful=something i really want to do but don’t know if it’s possible.]

I’ve gone through this past twenty-ish years believing that everything large-scale that I want to do is out my reach.  Here, let me give you an example of my common thought process:

  I like taking pictures.  I think I’m somewhat talented at taking pictures.  I’ve seen other people’s pictures.  Other people take some pretty amazing pictures.  Some of them are extremely successful in their business.  So, because there are other amazing photographers out there, I probably can’t be one of them, ever.

So through this Debby Downer Thought Process, I stay in my “safe” bubble and I take pictures when people ask me to, but I don’t do anything too crazy.  Hand out a business card to let people know who I am and what I do?  Are you out of your mind?!  Why yes, yes I am.  Because handing out business cards is exactly what I don’t do, and that’s what makes me out of my mind.  I mean, isn’t one of the first rules of business to be aggressive and get your name out there?  It doesn’t mean I can’t be humble about it.  What I should be telling myself right now is Emily, you’re an idiot. Go print a freaking pack of business cards and use the talents God has given you.  

I mean, that’s just it, isn’t it?  God gives us talents.  Gifts.  Like the cliche story: (Shortened version) When someone gives you a present, you don’t leave it unwrapped, sitting on the kitchen table.  You open the dang thing and you USE it.

I may not be the best photographer, but that doesn’t mean I’m bad at it.  I may not be an aggressive advertiser/saleswoman, but that doesn’t mean I can’t sell my work.  I may have no CLUE what I actually want to do with my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to do something ridiculously wonderful.

So instead of going through my Debby Downer Thought Process, I’m trying to turn it around and tell myself this instead:

If you want to do something, don’t look at it and think “yea, right, like I’m good enough to actually try that . . .”

Do it.  

 

 

Oh my word.

I am guilty of failing at the whole blog thing.  Guess that means I don’t have a future in blogging, but whatever, I shall continue on!

Instead of “catching up” like I should, I’m just going to go ahead and post my most recent adventure:  Cinnamon Rolls.

I have conquered the art of the perfect, yeast-less cinnamon roll.  Ask my boyfriend and his roommates-pretty sure they ate an entire pan in about a day and a half.  (Or maybe that’s not saying much since college boys eat a pan of anything in about a day and a half.) Regardless, I had fun making them.  Three times.  Within two weeks.  I should probably stop before I make everyone fat…

Anyway I got the recipe from another blog, which I found on Pinterest (uhh…where else..?).  (Link: http://www.injennieskitchen.com/2010/12/no-yeast-cinnamon-buns-recipe.html) Let me tell you, these are hands down some of the best cinnamon rolls I’ve ever had, and trust me, I thoroughly enjoy cinnamon rolls.  So here’s a few pics, click on the link if you want the recipe :)